Roses

I stepped outside by the side door of the house this morning, and I smelled a sweet welcoming scent.  Against the wall is my little rose garden.  There are pink roses for brightening the day, white for remembrance of loved ones, and to new beginnings. Then the most potent of them all: the red roses, a reminder of the most important thing in life.  To love and be loved.  I am surrounded by a tempting scent from the roses, and their beauty is a joyful sight for my heart.  There are more colors of roses, but  I am satisfied with these.

With the meaning of each different colored rose, together these beautiful flowers represent life as a whole.  While I remember lost loved ones, I am hopeful for the future when I look at the white roses.  With pink elegance, there is gratitude for the people that I adore in my life.  The powerful message of the red roses is true.  Love is within me, and it surrounds me.

Stop and smell the roses.

One foot forward

The old saying "it doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down, what matters is how many times you get up", rings true for most of us.  It's not just about getting back up on our feet, it is also about how we do it.

For the first time this week I felt strong enough to go for a walk, and I had three choices.  I could walk the streets in my neighborhood, take a steep walk up the mountain, or a slow walk on the beach.  As the water-lover I am, I choose the beach today.  Not to sunbathe or swim, but to slowly put one foot in front of the other towards health.  Once in a while I had to stop just to take it all in.  When I look out over the ocean, hear the waves meeting the shore, and breathe in the salty air, I feel an inner peace that only water can bring me.  It is life, and for me one of the best therapies in the world.

I took a few steps backwards in regards to my health this past week, and today I was able to take one step forward again.  It's a constant Foxtrot dance, one slow-two quick-quick-steps.  Sometimes the slow step is forward, and other times the two quick steps goes sideways or backwards. Like how this past week was.  Now I'm hoping for the reverse for a while.  That I'll move forward with two quick steps each day. I realize that part of this dance is not in my control, but I'll try to the best of my ability to move as smooth as I can to life's music.  All the while with my head held high.  Come and dance on the beach with me ...

New Day

 

Breathing in today's promises, and exhaling yesterday's pain. Today is a new day - carpe diem!

Fear

You have all heard the expression that “to overcome your fears, you must face them.”  There is no going around, which is easier said than done.  Like most people I am afraid of a few things, and I deal with my fears differently depending on what the fear is about.  Some things that I am afraid of, I simply choose to avoid.  Some fears I meet hesitantly, and a few fears I stare right in the eye.  The fears that I avoid facing will continue to be with me.  With the fears that I try my best to face, there is a chance that I will overcome them with time. When it comes to your health you do not have the luxury to contemplate if you will face your fear or not.  You just do.  Like I will do tomorrow.

With every cell in my body trembling today, I have no choice in the matter but to face my fear.

Tomorrow I will enter the “twilight zone” and trust that the doctor knows what he is doing.  Writing this I realize that I am afraid of two things tomorrow: the procedure itself and the result.  In reality this means that I am afraid of the unknown.  My battle that I am facing tomorrow is small in comparison to many others.  So this is not a pity party.  It is just me acknowledging that I am in fact scared.  Maybe you are scared of something in your life as well?  It might be something real or imagined.  It does not matter what it is.  The fear is real.

Try to find a loved one that can take your hand so you can face your fear.  Dare to stare it down.  I will try my best to do just that tomorrow.  I am surrounded by love, and with that thought I realize that I have nothing to be afraid of.

First I just have to visit “la-la-land”, which my son (who has had several medical procedures done) calls it.  Hopefully I will not say too many inappropriate things while staying in “la-la-land”.  Only the doctor and nurse will know …

I will meet you all again on the other side of the twilight zone.  Looking forward to it.

Happy Easter

I woke up this Easter morning and knew immediately that something was different. Something was new.  Both my children are away with friends over Easter.For the first time I have no one to hide Easter eggs for.  I know, they are old but we have continued to do it.  Until now.

The house feels empty, and I miss them every minute.  At the same time, there is calmness within me.  I know that they are happy where they are right now, and that makes me happy. If I have raised two independent young men, then I have succeeded as a parent.  I still want them to be around, and I know we will still have dear moments together.  Our love will always keep us together but not physically this Easter.

I thought of what Easter means in the Christian world.  For Christians, Easter is a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.  My thoughts continued to all human beings – regardless of their faith, or no faith: We can see Easter as a spiritual resurrection for all of us, so we all may walk through life in a new way.

What new way of life would that be for you?

For me it is to start with the little things.  The little things in life that in reality are the big things.  I will try to embrace this new phase with two children who are doing their own things, and letting them find out who they are.  I am grateful for new paths to walk, and my heart is open for a new way of life.

I am ready to accept constant changes in life. To ride with it, and not fight against it.