My Mormor - My Grandmother

My "Mormor" should have been 95 years old today.  She has been gone for about four months, and not a day goes by when I don't miss her.  I can still hear her gentle voice in my head and sense the caring touch when we held hands.

This picture was taken last Christmas when I saw My Mormor for the last time.  I knew when I left that we would never see each other again, and the feeling of knowing overwhelmed me.  How could I go on without her?  Thanks to her love in my veins I was able to.  She lived for three more weeks, but is forever alive in my heart.

Today I will honor and celebrate My Mormor's life, and her beautiful soul in the best way I can.  I will buy a large bouquet of sunflowers, because that was our favorite flower.  There will also be a vase filled with both red and white roses, for love and remembrance.

I will drink my afternoon tea from the cup with sunflowers that she gave me, while reading her favorite poems (as they are mine).  Soon I'll go for a walk in a beautiful sanctuary, every step for My Mormor, as she also loved to walk.

At night I'll light the candle with "The Tree of Life", that I received from two dear friends.   I'll light the candle for one of the most beautiful branches in our family tree.

My Mormor is still with me.  Our love remains.

The Child Within

During Mother’s Day weekend our whole family took an evening walk in our neighborhood.  We were almost at the top of “our” mountain when we passed an old tree to our left.  My youngest son, who is 16, looked at me and then at the tree.  “I dare you”, he said and started walking towards the tree.  He never thought I would follow him, he did not know me when I was a child.

A jolt of pure happiness came with just the thought of climbing a tree.  That feeling made no room for hesitation.  Soon enough we were both climbing the tree.  One teenager, and the other one a middle-aged woman.  At that very moment we were both kids, who saw the world with wide-eyed curiosity.

With butterflies in my stomach as I made my way up the tree, my whole inner self was thrown back to a time when I every summer used to climb trees together with my best friend.  Always with a nervous excitement and a happy heart.

This time I took my time and stopped climbing at one pint to take it all in.  I saw the beauty of where I live, the never-ending ocean in front of me and the mystic mountains to my back.  A freeing sense of wonder rushed through me.

With all the responsibilities of being an adult that inner child was still with me.  I am grateful to my son who has not lost his sense of still bringing out the child within, and I hope he will keep doing it.  His "I dare you", made me feel alive, and my heart was smiling.

So go out there and climb a tree today, or whatever you used to do as a child with a happy heart.  You will be surprised how wonderful the moment will be when you let your grown up guard fall to the ground.  Never lose your sense of wonder!

Mother's Day

Cheers to all amazing - hard working - all loving mothers out there!

Some of us do not live near our mothers here on earth, and some mothers have left us to be in heaven.  Some mothers are not with their children on this day.  Their children might be living elsewhere, or their children left this world too early.  This is a day that for some can mean heartbreak and sadness.  My wish though is that we can honor our mothers and celebrate the beautiful gift of motherhood.  Cheers to all awe-inspiring mothers!

Pacing myself

What does listening to your body mean?  For me, it is paying attention to the sensations that are both physical and emotional within my body.  Sometimes the sensations are somewhat intricate and small, and at other times they are large noicy symptoms.  The trick is to listen and pay attention. Many of us are brought up with the notion to "toughen it out" if something feels uncomfortable, may it be physical or emotional.  That can be like driving your car straight through a stop sign, instead of stopping and paying attention before continuing.  So stop for a moment and notice what your body is telling you.  Otherwise a crash could be the consequence.

I've learned the hard way that I often listen to my body afterwards, when it is too late.  I am by then so depleted of energy that I can barely function.  The key is to stop in time.  I know that I need to move through life in a slow pace.  With every activity, I need time to rest until I'm ready to get going again.

In the moments when I feel well, I get caught up in how wonderful it is to be active out there in the world.  If I don't pay close attention when my energy is running low, I might pay for it for days.  Like this past weekend for example.  I felt stronger so I went for walks, out for lunch, and to an event.  That could be nothing for a lot of people.  For me (and other people) that is battling a chronic illness, that was a lot.  By Monday I could hardly get out of bed.  Why?  Because I hadn't listen to my body in time.  My whole body was screaming to slow down several times, but I was deaf at the moment.  Only to really hear what my body needed afterwards.

Now I am giving my body plenty of rest, and mixing in some gentle yoga stretches, reading, writing, and going for short walks with my dog.  Movement is vital and so is rest.  It just needs to be the perfect balance between the two, and it is different for every person.

I am slowly finding the rhythm that works for me.  It is a stop-and-go-stop-and-go rhythm.  Which rhythm in life works best for you?

Reach Out

Do you know a person that used to be in your life but no longer is?  Someone that you wish would be a part of your life again. I do.  I’ve several people that for one reason or another have drifted away from me.  Sometimes I think I have been the “drifter”.  All of that is part of life.  People come and people go in our lives, and often it has to do with our different stages in life. When we drift apart from someone (I am not talking romantic relationship), we often assume that the other person is busy living his or her life.  You might be thinking that you grew apart and all is well.  That might be the wrong assumption.

This week I reconnected with someone who was an important part of my childhood. We became adults and lost touch.  I (wrongly) assumed that this person had no interest in being part of my life.  That I had not seen this person in fifteen years had, as I learned, nothing to do with me.  As a matter of fact, this person had lived not far from hell.  If I had only known, instead of just assuming that we just drifted apart, I would have reached out sooner.

Thanks to a mutual friend, I heard something that led me to reach out my hand in cyber space.  The person I was reaching out to “took my hand” immediately.  We are slowly finding each other again, telling our life stories to each other.  I’m so grateful that I learned what really happened, even if my heart aches with the knowledge of the life this person has endured.  That we finally have reconnected makes my heart smile though.

So reach out your hand to someone that you lost touch with, someone who meant something to you in the past.  You might be the only one doing it.  If the other person is capable of grabbing your hand, you will forever be grateful for that you took that first step.

Life is too short to loose people that are worth having in our lives.