Feb. 18: The empty fog is back. It swept over me without warning. I cannot focus on anything with this limitied vision. I cannot see clear without You. My heartbeat echoes back and forth around my rib cage. My heart is reaching no one , sensing no one. No one except You, and the empty space that You are taking up.
To Love
Feb.17: I am putting one foot in front of the other and lift my head towards the sky. The sun is shy, but a few beams of light shines through some thin clouds. Is that You saying hello? My walk in the sunshine awakens me. I am alive. I am alive for You. The evening is spend on the telephone, one friend after another checking in. I am loved and they have my forever love in return. The soft voices from my friends melts my frozen soul. We are here to love one another. Today, that is what we do.
Absent
Feb. 16: The tiredness has lifted a little. Not much gets done though. I am too busy missing You.
Emptiness
Feb. 15: I move through the day in slow motion. I cannot seem to get pass the fog that surrounds me. My heart is completely empty. It isn't just You that left. It seems like everyone that I have been holding close in my heart disappeared. The emptiness inside of me scares me more than all the tears that I have cried since You left this earth.
Last Farwell
Feb. 14: I cannot take it all in. I am watching without seeing. I am hearing without listening. I am feeling without understanding. The bright Chapel, the white coffin with red roses, and all the beautiful flower arrangements around the coffin are perfect. The priest is saying the right words, we are singing the right hymns. I read the poem that I had selected because it was You. The whole funeral service is perfect except one very important detail. You were not there. It's Valentines day - Infinity Love to My Beloved Mormor.
