One Year

Tina Roses sm 2015 1 Today it is one year since My Beloved Mormor (Grandmother) slept her way to the other side.  Not a day has gone by when I don't feel her in my heart.  That is where she resides.

I started this blog last year when I was on my way home to Sweden to bury My Mormor.  My heart was torn to pieces, and I needed an outlet for my tormented feelings.  So this blog was born out of the necessity to grieve.  To allow myself to fully mourn the loss of My Mormor meant to feel all the things that I felt, and to give myself all the time that I needed.  That process is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to handle the loss of a loved one.  I handled it the only way I know:  to write.

To put words down eased my heartache, and hopefully someone else's as well.  Grief is universal and if I shared my struggle with loss, maybe others would feel less alone.

I don't miss My Mormor more today than any other day.  I just chose to honor the memory of her love more today.  The loss of her can sometimes hit me at the most ordinary moment, like when I drink my morning tea and look at the cup I am holding in my hand.  A cup with a yellow sunflower that she gave to me.  It is in those kind of moments I mourn My Mormor the most, because we will never drink tea together again.

On the other hand, she gave me so many moments for a long time that my heart is full of love from her.  Those loving memories cannot even death take away.  So I treasure My Mormor more and more, while the pain is not as sharp.  The longing and missing will always be there, so will our love.  She was a true gift of love.  That is what today is about.

Mormor said that her wish was to be cremated and have her ashes scattered in the wind, because the wind is everywhere.

As I stood there today, throwing red rose pedals up in the air for our love, I sensed the wind on my cheek,  a kiss from My Mormor showing me love.  It was My Mormor whispering that love is all around.   The wind whispered in my ear: "I am here.  Always".

So I feel My Mormor with every little gust of wind, because the wind is everywhere.

Tina Roses sm 2015 2

Awareness

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I #TiedOneOn is a campaign to bring awareness to a rare disease called Dysautonomia.  October is known for breast cancer month, but less known is that it's also Dysautonomia awareness month.  It means that we are trying to bring awareness to the medical field.  Yes, you read correctly, many doctors and nurses are not educated in diagnosing and treating the many forms of  Dysautonomia.  We need to change that.

Of course it's also important to bring awareness to the public as well, as it's called the "invisible disease".  People affected with Dysautonomia often look fine on the outside but are really ill on the inside.  To hear people say:  "but you look fine", is common.  For the person struggling it can be hurtful to hear, and it can feel like they are not being taken seriously.

So what is Dysautonomia? It is a dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system (ANS) in the body.  The ANS controls your heart rate, breathing, blood pressure, digestion, excretion, body temperature, and other involuntary bodily functions.  In other words; ANS controls everything we take for granted, everything within the body that should function without us thinking about it.  All its functions should be automatic, and it's nothing we can control. There lies the hardest part.

We want to be in control of our own body. When the ANS fails to function it differs from person to person which symptoms are most profound. It can range in severity from mild to fatal.

So yesterday I #TiedOneOn for my son Christopher, our friends Claire & Bella, myself and everyone else who is fighting any form of  Dysautonomia.

My son is proof to that there is hope.  After three years of being critically ill, he was able to fully recover due to excellent treatment, support and time.  He is a true miracle!

I believe there are more people who will recover sooner with awareness and education. This illness will take many different forms and is played out differently for every person. A few things are the same though: it is real, it is difficult, and it is a battle.  For some it will last a couple of years, and for others it can last a lifetime.

There needs to be more research done, and more awareness among the medical community.  That is what this month's campaign is about.  But the fight doesn't end with the last of October.  It is a fight 24/7, and you must fight for a better tomorrow!  Never ever give up fighting the battle!!

I'm trying my best in fighting this illness.  To try your best is all you can do.

Please join me!

www.dysautonomiafoundation.org

 

Media coverage

My first live interview was taped yesterday during the Book Convention here in Gothenburg, Sweden.  My nerves were present under my skin, and I had to remember a great quote; "The day you are not nervous in front of an audience, is the day that you don't care anymore".  I do care, I care a lot of reaching other people and to move their hearts.  I wanted to represent myself and my writing in the best possible way. So yes, I was nervous.  But I was also excited, happy and grateful.  Grateful to all the people who has supported me along the way, and still do.  You all have me deepest thankfulness for a lifetime.  I was, and still am incredible grateful for the opportunity to share my writing and connect with other people.  That is what life is all about.  Connecting with others, heart to heart.  With nerves and all ...

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