Spring Forward!

 

Spring is here, and with that a new promise. A promise of longer and brighter days. The energy in the air will hopefully also spill over to our inner world. Life feels a little easier when we can get some rays of sunshine into our souls, and there is a little more bounce in our steps,

I have spent the last month juggling responsibilities with trying to stay healthy. I have had too many items on my to-do-list. I easily forgot myself. I know I am not alone in this. We sit at the computer to just answer one more e-mail or to take one more phone call. In a blink of an eye the day is gone. I maybe accomplished a lot of tasks but I missed a really essential part. I missed putting me on that list. After a hectic February, I realize that I actually need to schedule appointments with myself. To catch a breath, to exercise, to eat right and sometimes to take time-out to relax, either relaxing with a cup of tea and a book, or spending time in the company of family and close friends.

I have not been completely out of touch with the importance of trying to stay healthy and feeding my inner self,  but I could have done better. It is now mid-March and we have switched over to summertime here in the US. They call it Spring Forward, and that is what March has done so far. The last couple of days it even skipped spring and became summer. We have had record warm weather and today I finally took that well needed break from duties and responsibilities. With the warm sun lingering longer over the horizon, I took the season’s first dip in the pool. I needed to cool my body and head several times throughout this hot day. Refreshed inside and out, I now am doing what I am supposed to do. I am writing … It is not something that I have to do, but need to do. Why? Because it feeds my inner self with pure joy and I am connecting with You. I missed that this last month, and I need to learn how to prioritize me-time. Time management is what it is called in the business world. In my world it is just pure self-care. Please do not forget yourself in the buzz of responsibilities. Put yourself in your calendar and spend some time doing or being who you are at the core. What is it that brings fire to your soul? Go out and do that, or sit with it if that is the case. Soon I will watch the last rays of sun dip over the horizon and my heart beats calmly. I was able to just be me today. Hope you had a chance to be You as well.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day was just a commercialized day for me until exactly a year ago.  All the other years it just felt it was different stores selling superficial love.  All the chocolate and the flowers in the world to buy on one day has nothing to do with love.

It is nice to acknowledge one another, so of course I have been on both the giving and the receiving end on Valentine's Day.  Many of us make an effort today to show the ones we love that they are appreciated.  Something we should do every day, not just one day out of 365 days.

The way we show and give love is different for everyone.  So is how we feel that we are loved.  But the daily love that we all can show each other is to show up and be present with the ones you love.  Your full attention and company is the greatest gift.

If you are far away from someone you love you can show up in other ways.  A phone call shows that you care.  To hear the other person's voice can be balm for the soul.

Love does not know distance.  Only distant people have a hard time to reach someones heart.

A year ago my feelings about today totally changed with the funeral of My beloved Mormor (Grandmother) on Valentine's Day.  It could not have been a more fitting day, if you can have one for a funeral.  Through the grief during this day last year, I kept thinking this is what today is about.  Not saying goodbye to a loved one, but honoring and remembering the ones we love.  Dead, alive, partner, friends, parents, children, animals or this planet.  Today is about universal love.

My Mormor was the essence of what love is.  She gave love to all that she encountered in the way she treated everyone.  My Mormor would greet everyone with a kind word, a soft touch and with a warm heart.

That is what everyday love is.  Giving without expecting anything in return, because your heart says so.  I am striving to be better showing people that I love that they really matter to me.  Not just today, but everyday.  I have a bit to go, but I will keep trying to give love as much as I can.  Just like My Mormor did.

She was love.

Welcome February!

It is easy for me to welcome a new "winter month" standing outside, letting the sun warm my face.  The sun is breathing life, and I feel it in every pore of my body.

Not everyone can step out into the warmth of the sun right now.  What you can do though, is to step outside and breathe fresh air.  even if it is just for a brief moment.  The fresh air, (almost) regardless of temperature will clear your mind and free your senses.

As hard as the dark winter months can be in the Northern Hemisphere, you who live there, will endure and make the most of it.  Trust me, I have lived with real winters most of my life, so I do know how difficult it can be.  I also know that the sun will shine with warm bright rays upon your skin again.  It is a known fact, so hold onto that image and cozy up after breathing some fresh air.  Cozy up by the fire, light some candles and just be.

So even if I do not need to shovel snow or put on winter clothes, I had to experience what the New Year brought me, like for all of you.  January started with a BOOM in all kinds of directions, and I am now trying to navigate how I will spend my time the next eleven months of this year.

The year started off with a lot of demands of my time, an emotional blow to the heart and some minor medical issues.  All of a sudden I sat with a "to-do-list" so large that I did not even know where to start.  I am used to being my own boss, and with some new responsibilities I had to rethink.  To prioritize correctly and manage my time plus energy became my biggest challenge.

I wanted to take on my new responsibilities with a clear head.  To do so, I needed to center myself emotionally.

The other day when the demands and tasks seemed too overwhelming. I did what I have done so many times before.  I closed the computer, turned off the phone, and put away all the papers that were spread around me.  I stepped outside to our front lawn and saw the beauty in front of me.

With several deep breaths, I saw everything clearly and smelled the goodness around me.  The salty ocean, the lush bushes and the magical sky were all there for me to take in with all my senses.

The cool evening air calmed my mind and stilled my emotions.  I walked back inside to not just do, but also to be.

One Year

Today it is one year since My Beloved Mormor (Grandmother) slept her way to the other side.  Not a day has gone by when I don't feel her in my heart.  That is where she resides.

I started this blog last year when I was on my way home to Sweden to bury My Mormor.  My heart was torn to pieces, and I needed an outlet for my tormented feelings.  So this blog was born out of the necessity to grieve.  To allow myself to fully mourn the loss of My Mormor meant to feel all the things that I felt, and to give myself all the time that I needed.  That process is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to handle the loss of a loved one.  I handled it the only way I know:  to write.

To put words down eased my heartache, and hopefully someone else's as well.  Grief is universal and if I shared my struggle with loss, maybe others would feel less alone.

I don't miss My Mormor more today than any other day.  I just chose to honor the memory of her love more today.  The loss of her can sometimes hit me at the most ordinary moment, like when I drink my morning tea and look at the cup I am holding in my hand.  A cup with a yellow sunflower that she gave to me.  It is in those kind of moments I mourn My Mormor the most, because we will never drink tea together again.

On the other hand, she gave me so many moments for a long time that my heart is full of love from her.  Those loving memories cannot even death take away.  So I treasure My Mormor more and more, while the pain is not as sharp.  The longing and missing will always be there, so will our love.  She was a true gift of love.  That is what today is about.

Mormor said that her wish was to be cremated and have her ashes scattered in the wind, because the wind is everywhere.

As I stood there today, throwing red rose pedals up in the air for our love, I sensed the wind on my cheek,  a kiss from My Mormor showing me love.  It was My Mormor whispering that love is all around.   The wind whispered in my ear: "I am here.  Always".

So I feel My Mormor with every little gust of wind, because the wind is everywhere.

Goodnight

Saying goodnight to this magnificent Mother Earth with a grateful heart!